I began substitute teaching in Spanish classroom 14 at Hyde middle school. Four school years later I finished my substitute teaching life in Arts/Crafts classroom 15 right next door. After a month-long transition and reflection period, I am happily a stay-at-home dad and part-time web-designer! The years I spent in the classrooms of my childhood school district were eye-opening, mind-bending, fun, often frustrating, disappointing, painful, hopeful, soulful, always special and an education further than I could have ever imagined would come from those rooms, hallways, blacktops, teachers and most of all, the students.
I have undergone 4 years of on the job training, I am going to spend the next 3-5 years working on becoming a 'real' teacher, as the kids always asked me to become. I have a rough idea of what the road to an art credential looks like. I know it will involve a lot of explaining the unexplainable and participating in an education system I have a hard time reconciling my feelings with, but I am committed to getting my credential in Art and Industrial Arts so that I can return to the classroom and get to know the next generation of kids.

In Retrospect

I feel that no student's education in complete until they stand up in front of a class full of students. I'm not just talking about speech class or a project presentation that I personally always dreaded in school. But honestly standing up with your own ideas on how something works, or how one might learn something, or simply with your own thoughts about the life around us all. It is, at first, a daunting task. I don't think that my education is complete by any means, but I know now there is a missing half.

Reflecting

I look back at my young self and realize I had absolutely no concept(and often times no respect) for the life and process of my teachers. I took for granted that they were there, a fixture of my childhood and of the school. I could not imagine that they had lives outside of that environment and when my brother and I saw teachers out around town, it felt down right weird. Somehow school had become a disconnection in my life and I began to distrust it in college.
It was something of a fortunate thing that I formed that distrust, and I set off searching. In Wendell Berry's Home Economics he wrote about education as learning from within oneself. :(I'll find the quote in a bit, I have to find my copy of the book:( This is suggestive of the presence of a teacher whos role is not to simply regurgitate mounds of instruction(although this sometimes is appropriate), but rather at first ignite the student with the flame of wonder for the World and for humans' unique role in it. If that flame is not ignited, all of the "education" we afford our children often turns them into a mindless robotic servant, or someone who doesn't give a shit. However, the human mind is a beautiful thing, it is resilient. I have witnessed both of those products in spades in middle schools! But more importantly i have witnessed meeting kids eye to eye and connecting with them on some level above where they are normally at school. I just hope I can achieve this level of connection again as a ful-time teacher.

Subbing is a beautiful thing

I came back to subbing several times after toying with the idea of moving on for various reasons, and one reason not to was consistent; I was hooked on being the other side of the divide. I was excited to walk into school and view the world from this little known and little respected position. Granted subbing is a very different role which is more like a grandparent in the family. But it still offered enough proximity and first hand knowledge of teaching to form a functional understanding.
Only after you earn the kids' and teachers' respect can one enjoy a special friendly relationship with a class full of students that just doesn't exist with a 'real' teacher, as the kids would always say in the most respectful way. The subs primary role, especially in middle school, is to keep the peace, be a good socialite, and improvise. After all, these three truths always ring true; most school kids only fully respect authority("real" authority) when they are present, they are just discovering and love to socialize, and things never ever go as planned. Taking care of all of these was something like a grandparent spoiling a grandchild, but at the same time offering a fresh perspective on school matters that is almost always well received. It was hard to come by some days, but mostly it flowed for me to be around the kids.
This is the true beauty of subbing; having the freedom to connect with the kids in ways that are somewhat "off-grid". I taught kids many things in the classrooms. Some good, some confusing, some planned, some not well taught, some unplanned, and some kids maybe did not want to learn what I taught them. But I know that I get through to kids because they show me respect. For years I have been afraid that maybe I wouldn't have the same attitude and freshness in the classroom if I became a full-time teacher. I've been in enough teacher's lounges, dealt with enough difficult kids, and witnessed maddening systems to speak with certainty that teachers are by far the most disgruntled group of people on a job that I have been a part of. This is unfortunate, and all too understandable.
I now believe that my prior feelings and misconceptions of teachers is not so much a product of me or them as people, but of the education system in general. Why is it that I can only think of one or two teachers growing up that I felt a friendly genuine respect for? I believe it is a matter of our style of education administration that almost completely destroys the creativity and freedom for teaching. With my experience I have to believe that the teachers who were special in my life were rogues in a sea of malcontent and squashed autonomy. Teaching and learning have to come from the heart as an equal to the brain, and it is all too evident when the two fall out of accord.
I will spend a substantial amount of time writing about the classroom and education in the coming months (and years, if I can get into a credential program) leading up to teacher's school. If only for my own record of events and maybe even trying to keep everything sane in my own mind, I hope this is also a record of some thoughts that I believe deserve some conversation and further action.